current mood: sucky to the core/paranoid ):
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i have so many things to settle.and yes its bugging me most of the time.i do wana opened up to my friends.but sometimes it's clearly hard.smiling is easy and putting up a strong front is as easy too.it's controlling what's inside is hard.im struggling sometimes even when i cracked multiple times of jokes with my friends.im surrounded by people who makes me laugh and sometimes laughing is how i hide my tears.laughing so hard makes me cry.it's definitely not something to laugh about.but it can temporarily make the hurt and the pain stop.im on suicidal mode.i know my friends wana be there for me like i've always been there for them.i just dont like to be a burden to them.so yeah lets just say.certain things are just unexplainable.

i wish i could tell.

ANA